Social skills: mind your language

The Bible says the power of life and death is in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21) and that reckless words pierce like a sword (Proverbs 12:18. Some people claim that God gave us one tongue because He knew how deadly it can be when we misuse it. He also knew our weaknesses in selectivity and control hence His intention to limit the number of tongues per human being. I must hasten to add though that the tongue may not necessarily be used for intended harm - actually used for intended good - but may be perceived differently.

One should know the power of the words and word combinations they use in their daily communications. I was, yet again, a victim of a careless use of the tongue / word combinations recently. I have always used the phrase "how is your life?" casually as a greeting to peers and gotten away with it. I used it to imply a casual "how are you?" but one of my interlocutors recently perceived it differently. By the way, I am sharing this experience with her full approval.

She perceived that phrase to imply that I had developed a thinking that the quality of her life was not good ('mediocre' in her words) hence my persistent querying - I had earlier used it a few times with no consequence but on the previous occasion the cumulative effect reached the threshold and hence elicited a response. Because of her perception of my words as a direct personal attack on her life, one of Newton's laws of nature (Newton's third law of motion) came into effect: ‘For every action, there is an equal and opposite re-action’. She responded in no uncertain terms assuring me of the quality of her life.

I did apologise profusely and honestly pointing out how I had gotten used to this phrase and used it casually among peers and how I meant well. Being the kind person this particular individual is, she forgave me. Upon reflection on my explanation, she later wondered why she had misinterpreted my casual phrase. I do not blame her. I consider that the burden still remains mine to know how to clearly communicate a message. Thank God this lady with a forgiving heart gave me an opportunity to clarify. Somebody else probably wouldn't have and that would greatly affect the working relationship between us.

Well, now I know better. I should select my words carefully and use my tongue wisely so as not to cause any harm or be perceived to have implied harm. May God help my weakness.

Do you find this a familiar territory? Be wise, select your words carefully so as to enhance your social skills.

The Sigiriya rock

As you watch this space for the developing story, try out the quiz and enjoy the photos below:

• Where is Sigiriya rock located?


• Of what historical significance is it?


• What aspects of the principles demonstrated in the significance of Sigiriya rock is still practised today?

You might want to check your answers here.

Some opinion published in Newspapers

I thought I should put links to some opinion I shared and were reported by some Newspapers (abridged versions). Follow the links.

1. 10 reasons Makerere (University) crisis has dragged on (Published in The New Vision on Monday, 18th December, 2006).



2. Guardians of animal health, public safety (Written by By Stephen Ssenkaaaba of The New Vision Newspaper on World Veterinary Day 2008).



3. Animal rearing boosts incomes (Written by By Stephen Ssenkaaba of The New Vision Newspaper on World Veterinary Day 2008).

The Ghana experience II: soccer, flags and roads

I already mentioned earlier in other posts that I love soccer. How then do you expect me not to write about soccer in my recent (28 May - 2 June 2008) Ghana experience? If I should write about soccer for anything, it should be for the Africa Nations Cup / World Cup qualifiers currently running in Africa. While in Ghana, I watched (on television) the Ghana national soccer team defeat their Libyan counterparts in a game played in Kumasi, Ghana. The match was graced by the presence of the rich King of the Ashanti Kingdom. Great though the king is, he responded to an invitation by a 'mere' soccer player - the captain of the Ghana national side, Mr. John Mensah. The king got his value for time / money. I should mention that on that same day, the Ugandan side was a 1-0 victor over the Niger side (in Kampala). Please do not ask me whether there was some king in the stadium.

So what about soccer, flags and roads in Ghana? Upon my arrival in Ghana, I noticed several vehicles with the national flag hanging somewhere and somewhat on the inside of their windscreens. I first thought they were government vehicles but no government would have so many vehicles on the road at the same time. I then thought it was a national directive for all cars to carry the Ghana flags but I could not account for the ones that did not have. It later occurred to me that the previous Africa Cup of Nations was played in Ghana. Patriotism (perhaps exemplified by Comrade Kwame Nkrumah) was the reason. They were proud of their nation and also gave their full support to the national team. How sweet!

Then the roads. I love the road network (at least in Accra and Tema). I was driven on a road that was built by Nkrumah and it looks more recent than some 1 year old roads in some African countries. To me, that is yet another sign of patriotism. Any lessons to African leaders? What do they think when they visit Ghana and drive on "Nkrumah's roads" that are better than theirs? Well, they do not have shame in their vocabulary so this is not a worthwhile direction to go. Rest that case here and come back home to talk about soccer.

Uganda Cranes they are called. Yes, that is the Uganda national soccer team. If there is a better example of one making mistakes, learning from them, repenting and making good than what the Uganda Cranes did then I am not yet aware of it. After beating Niger 1-0 at home, they went away to Benin to earn a 1-4 defeat in the hands of Squirrels. The home press gave them 'stick' as expected. When the Cranes landed home, they (and the officials) apologised and promised to give the fans and the nation a treat. True to their word, on Saturday 14 June 2008 in Nelson Mandela National Stadium between 4-6pm local time they beat Angola 3-1 at home in one of their best games in years. I was on the roads in Kampala yesterday and today, but unlike in Ghana, the number of cars carrying the national flag is quite small! My dear Ugandans, we need to get behind our team (and nation) in a much more conspicuous way than we currently do.

While in Ghana, I also discovered that the young boys looked up to the Ghanaian players as role models as opposed to many in Uganda whose models are Brazilians and Europeans. The pictures of John Mensah, Michael Essien are seen on bill boards and they are in television adverts in Ghana. I must confess that I am yet to see this in Uganda. Well, they may not have made appearances yet in the World Cup but they deserve to be recognised. I am talking about Ugandan soccer players. Somebody please amplify this call.

Enjoy soccer, carry your national flag and thank God for good roads each time you come across one in Africa.

The Ghana Experience I: should women preach in church?

As promised in an earlier post, I share below just one of several things I experienced while in Ghana 28 May to 2 June 2008. Akwaaba! (that means 'welcome' in Twe, one of the many native languages spoken in Ghana).

I arrived in Accra on Wednesday 28 May and left on Saturday 31 May 2008 and relocated to another town, Tema, thanks to a Christian couple who are friends of mine. While in Tema, I visited many places including a progressive veterinary practice, a wonderful home (address, environment and people) and obviously a church.

I visited this Baptist church on 1 June 2008. Something worth mentioning about the church is its Sunday programme. It was unique and very interesting. I think I missed some session(s) because I got there a little late. When I got there, a guided congregation prayer session was in progress. After the prayer, the congregation split up into groups - I saw three on that Sunday: the English speaking adults, the non-English speaking adults and the kids.

I will dwell on what transpired in my group. I did, obviously, go to the English speaking adults group. In my group, a moderated discussion was held aimed at answering some questions that had been asked the previous Sunday by some members of the congregation. The questions were the familiar ones with some grey areas: How should a Christian dress? What constitutes tithe - 10% of net or 10% of gross payment? Should women preach in church?

As expected these are questions that can generate lots of debate which is capable of becoming quite heated up. Well, all I can say is that it was a lively debate that was brought to a close before ideas, opinion and Bible quotations related to those subjects were exhausted. The issue of tithe was settled much more easily and seemingly satisfactorily (my perception) than those of dress code (especially for women) and women preaching in church.

Some interesting questions were asked e.g. "If my wife came to church wearing a trouser, would she be accepted or thrown out?"; "What was Ghanaians' original dress code (men and women) - are they acceptable in the community / church today?".

After the group activities, the various categories of worshippers rejoined to form one congregation and the main service started. It was a wonderful service.

Why do I share this? It is mainly to draw your attention and hopefully interest you in thinking about the questions and giving your own position on them as you see fit or feel convicted or as told to you in your church or any other place of worship.

So, what is your position regarding the above questions?

eLA 2008

'eLA 2008' is the short version of 'eLearning Africa 2008' conference. It was held in Accra, Ghana 29-30 May 2008. I was privileged to participate in it. Just like it happened one year ago in eLA 2007 (in Nairobi), I met new friends, got new ideas, attained new knowledge and got new inspiration. What remains is for me is to use them to improve my life and the life of those around me.

I should soon write specific posts on some of the the people I met, the knowledge I acquired, the things that inspired me. Web 2.0, some amazing technologies and some personalities will definitely be part of the posts. I will not be fair not to talk about the roads in Ghana, the food, the weather and the vehicles.

The trip to Ghana was not uneventful - fuel and a technical fault in the plane are the highlights that stand out. I think it will be fair to write a complete story after experiencing the return leg (I am still in Accra as I write). I am scheduled to leave Accra next week but I am already home sick so I should change my itinerary and get back home sooner. Watch this space for more about eLA 2008 and my first time in Ghana.

Arbitration: any lessons?

I love football (soccer) not only because it is the game I have played the most so far but also because it teaches us lots of lessons. The major lesson it teaches is one of my favourite subjects, teamwork.

There are several issues related to teamwork that one can pick up from a soccer game - whether as a player or simply as a spectator. Obviously there is more to learn about teamwork from the players than other participants in the game. In this post I pick on one aspect that could easily be missed since the lesson it teaches about teamwork is often blurred hence missed by many.

Any football fan following the latest games in Europe will at this point in time (time of posting) recall last night's leg of the European Champions League quarter final at Anfield in Liverpool, England. Liverpool FC were 4-2 victors over Arsenal FC (as judged by the arbiter). The Arsenal FC's manager, 'Professor' Arsene Wenger, attributed his team's exit form the competition to two poor decisions by the referees (arbiters) - one in each of the two legs. The result for the two legs is 5-3 in favour of Liverpool. That reminded me of the authority and sometimes flaws in arbitration with their associated consequences.

What has this got to do with teamwork? I believe that it is known to most (if not all) adults that in all teams there can be and actually there are conflicts. They should be expected and should not be feared. Patrick Lencioni in his book ("The five dysfunctions of a team") lists the fear of conflict as one of the dysfunctions of a team. A good team leader or team member must always expect conflicts to arise and most importantly know how to deal with them.

In my little knowledge of conflict resolution, I know that it could be a one stage process (with a good outcome) or a multistage process (that could sometimes have no good outcome for at least one of the parties).

Negotiation between the affected parties is recommended as the first step in conflict resolution. It is the one with the most promising long lasting outcome. Once this fails then third parties emerge hence reducing the chances and quality of acceptable outcomes.

The logical step following a failure in negotiation is seeking mediation. In this case the two affected parties will themselves decide and agree on an outcome without any influencing decisions from the mediator. The role of the mediator is to provide the environment for and moderation of the negotiation process. The affected parties make the decision. Should this fail, then the next logical step is arbitration.

In arbitration, the affected parties surrender their authority to arrive at a compromise decision to the arbiter. The two must now take whatever decision comes out of the arbitration process. In this case one party will always cry while the other rejoices - both cannot rejoice (at least not openly) as it may happen in the previous two steps.

That is not all. The fourth option is attempting none of the above thus outright disagreement between the affected parties. In this case, these parties can no longer work together as a team! I also believe that after arbitration, the chances of the affected parties working together (again) as a team is significantly reduced. How would you therefore choose to resolve conflict between team members? I am personally inclined to avoid the last two options - arbitration and outright disagreement.

So, what has this got to do with the soccer match referred to above?

The outcome of the alleged poor decisions by two different arbiters officiating in two different matches involving the same teams and played in two different locations in England within a space of one week strengthens my belief that arbitration may not necessarily please both parties. One referee denied Arsenal FC a seemingly genuine penalty in the first leg and one week later, in the second leg, another awarded a seemingly unconvincing penalty against Arsenal FC. Liverpool FC went away the rejoicing party while Arsenal FC cried on both occasions of arbitration supremacy.

Thanks to soccer for bringing out these lessons.